Greetings, my evil minions!

;She stalks in wearing an outfit constructed entirely of black leather. Her heavy boots pound the floor with a dull thud each time she takes a step. Her long cloak swishes about her legs as she comes to a stop.;

Evil Overlord Mallory here, to oversee all of our evil federation's evil plans ... And to be sure that they're all playing out accordingly. And evilly.

;She produces a scroll of parchment from within the folds of her cloak with a flourish. She unrolls the scroll, peering at it with narrowed eyes as she begins reciting everything that her minions were expected to accomplish this week.;

Place paper bags filled nearly to bursting with dog dookie on disliked neighbour's front porches, set on fire ... Cut off innocent, feeble old ladies in line at the pharmacy ... Purposely place all of your plastic bottles, paper, and cans in with your regular trash ... Steal candy from as many persons as possible, given they're under the age of three ... Shout random numbers while another person is attempting to count ... Suddenly contort your face and body in a rigid manner and begin screaming random Latinesque phrases in a deep, garbled voice whilst in church ... Find as many flat Lego pieces you can, and push every one of them together tightly ... Pretend not to notice 'Wet Cement' signs ... Throw rotten eggs directly at the faces of disliked persons as opposed to their front door ...

;She glances up from the scroll, a pleased look on her face.;

It appears that each and every one of these items have been taken care of --- Which means that the only things we haven't accomplished so far this week are sampling every single bottle of perfume in all of our local drug stores, taping signs which read 'Kick Me' on the backs of our grandparents, and replacing the sugar in our family and friends' sugar bowls with salt!

;She returns the scroll to the folds of her cloak, nodding in a satisfied manner.;

I'd say our evil federation is flourishing well, very well indeed. We shall all return to our evildoings subsequently --- But first, you must all immediately report to the Chamber Of Updates. Failure to do so will result in ... Consequences.

Dire consequences.

;One of the aforementioned rotten eggs appears quite suddenly in the palm of her outstretched hand to emphasise this point. She glares daggers at each and every one one of her minions as he or she hastily makes their way to the Chamber Of Updates.;

Two new Affies have been added to the Affiliates page ... Jessica and Lilly! They both have über cute sites filled to the brim with free graphics and other downloadable resources for site owners, so be sure to check 'em out!

Two new hysterically hilarious and highly humourous quotes have been added to the Family's Funny Quotes page. Okay, so they're not quite that fantastic, but I couldn't resist the temptation to use all those H's. The H's made me do it. o_o

One new page has been added to the Mallory section ... A page entitled Internetometer! As you might guess by the title, it contains my very own Internetometer. >w<; If you're not already familiar with what an Internetometer is, then I suggest you click on over to find out! ^_~

One new musical artist has been added to the Favourite Bands/Musical Artists segment of my Facts page ... A Swedish musical artist who goes by the name of Nomy! I won't say anything more about him here, though, as most of today's blog segment, ((As well as the update below,)) Is gonna revolve around his music, bwahaha.

One new song has been added to the Cover Songs page! ^o^ The song I've covered is called Cocaine, and it's by --- Yep, you guessed it --- One of my new favourite artists, Nomy!

Which brings us to our first blog topic: How much I love this song. *_*

It all started when I was on YouTube the other day, searching for fan made music videos featuring scenes from the newest Star Trek movie. ((Yes, I'm a Star Trek fan. C'mon, I was named after a character from the original series, what d'you expect?)) Due to the fact that most of the music videos featured extremely bad quality clips --- Think guy sitting in movie theatre on the opening date, recording the entire movie at a tilted angle with his cellphone, and then instantly uploading the recording to the Internet, followed by every single YouTuber in existence using that recording to create a music video --- I was about to give up, when I suddenly stumbled across this fan made music video.

Even though my initial goal was simply to find a Star Trek music video that wasn't fabricated entirely of bootlegged clips, I wasn't instantly blown away by the fact that the person who made the video used clips ripped from the DVD ... I was blown away by the song they had chosen.

That song was, of course, Nomy's Cocaine ... Which I fell in love with instantly. Ignoring the fact that the song's lyrics don't fit with the ship battle scenes of Star Trek in any way, shape, or form, you gotta admit that the actual music itself fits quite wonderfully. But I'm not here to give a critique of the fan made music video --- I'm just here to express my love for the song itself. My frighteningly immense, overly obsessive, undying love for the song. o_O;

If you'd like to fall in love, too, then click here to watch the video where I originally heard it ... And if you're seriously uninterested in Star Trek, then feel free read along with the lyrics below as you listen! ^^;

You are
In pain
Take your life, take your life with cocaine
But I am who I am
So I do what I can, when I can
But I can't really do a damn thing

So fine this day
All your problems has gone away
But tomorrow, when you wake up
All your problems are back to stay

Your life
A game
Turn it up, turn it up with cocaine
And every time that you live is a time when you feel
And the only time you heal

Tell me what it is
And it would never be like this
A problem that we have in common
Baby tell me what it is
It probably doesn't mean a piss
Yeah
Rip my heart apart

Now it's too late, too late to live
Only heaven loves you now
So love it back for once
Just once

Now it's too late, too late to live
And my conscience killing me
So I'm alive
But I'm not free

And for all of you that can relate to this too
And for all of you that can relate to this too

White snow
I know
You're on a place where I just can't go
But I hope you do remember
Your snow doesn't warm you in December

You are
In pain
Take your life, take your life with cocaine
But I am who I am
So I do what I can, when I can
But I can't really do a damn thing

Now it's too late, too late to live
Only heaven loves you now
So love it back for once
Just once

Now it's too late, too late to live
And my conscience killing me
So I'm alive
But I'm not free

And for all of you that can relate to this too
And for all of you that can relate to this too

Tell me what it is
And it would never be like this
A problem that we have in common
Baby tell me what it is
It probably doesn't mean a piss
Yeah
Rip my heart apart

You are
In pain
Take your life, take your life with cocaine
But I am who I am
So I do what I can, when I can
But I can't really do a damn thing

Now it's too late, too late to live
Only heaven loves you now
So love it back for once
Just once

Now it's too late, too late to live
And my conscience killing me
So I'm alive
But I'm not free

And for all of you that can relate to this too
And for all of you that can relate to this too

Now it's too late
Now it's too late
Now it's too late
Now it's too late

Now, normally when I paste lyrics into an Updates/Blog entry, I always make sure to put my favourite lines in bold and italic ... But when you equally love pretty much every single line in the whole song, it doesn't really make sense to do this. So I didn't. >_>;

And don't get me wrong --- This isn't like 12 November 2009's entry, when I recommended Drilled A Wire Through My Cheek by Blue October, despite the fact that I disliked the rest of of their songs, thinking them to suck massive donkey dick. No, this time, it's different, because while Cocaine has been my favourite so far, every other Nomy song has been amazingly stellar, as well.

If you'd like to listen to some of the songs yourself, then head on over to Nomy's official site --- All of his older tracks are available to download for free, and you can listen to high quality previews of all his newer tracks. ^^

Our next topic is one that focuses primarily on an emotion we all know and hate: Rage.

Some of mallorymaloney.com's long time visitors may recall that, prior to October of 2008, I was notorious for completely ignoring every single web standard conceived. Because of this, I was regularly mocked by many other bloggers online, especially those who considered following web standards as necessary as oxygen.

However, I expected this type of reaction, as the online world isn't so different from the real world ... At least in the sense that those who are 'different' are always going to be mocked by those who are 'normal'.

And in their defense, I didn't just ignore web standards --- In some cases, I'd even go out of my way to purposely work against said standards! Browser compatibility? I once installed a script that refused to allow any browser but Internet Explorer visit my site. Valid markup? I was using Microsoft FrontPage 2000 to manage my entire site ... Not just because it made things easier, but also because I knew it generated highly invalid and outdated HTML. Doctype declaration? That was the one thing that FrontPage actually did generate correctly, but I always purposely backspaced it every time, claiming that I hated all that hated 'unnecessary clutter' at the top of every page. Accessibility? Hell, most of the layouts I made back then actually caused visitors to go blind!

... Okay, fine, so I still create layouts like that. >_>;

In all seriousness, though, I never agreed with the idea of giving up the 'personality' of one's site just to comply with web standards, but I did ((Eventually)) Agree with the idea of my site looking as similar as possible in as many different browsers as possible.

So, when I discovered that my current layout, the newly uploaded Version Thirty Nine, wasn't loading correctly in an older version of Netscape whatsoever --- Version 4.78, to be exact --- I decided that I was going to try and fix the problem. After all, ignoring such layout errors was something the 'old' Mallory would do!

However, after I fiddled around with the coding for about a day, I realised that I wasn't making any progress whatsoever. Admitting to myself that I honestly had no clue how to fix it, I decided to post my problem on a few forums that revolved around xHTML, CSS, and site coding in general. I was very detailed in all the threads I posted, being sure to include a screenshot of the Netscape error, a copy of Version Thirty Nine's entire stylesheet, a link to mallorymaloney.com, and, of course, an exact description of the problem.

Now imagine my incredulousness when the first reply I received was as follows:

Netscape 4 is dead. Don't worry about it.

My jaw quite literally dropped to my keyboard as I read and reread over the sentence two or three times to ensure that my eyes weren't playing tricks on me ... But no, I had read it correctly the first time. Some guy who was a moderator on a site that was based wholly around coding was telling me to ignore a browser simply because it was 'dead' --- Referring, of course, to the fact that Netscape officially ended support for all versions of the browser back in December of 2007.

However, this doesn't change the fact that a number of people online --- Two percent of all the visitors I receive, in fact --- Still use Netscape as their main web browser. Now, I realise that a measly two percent doesn't sound like very much, but y'know what? If I'm gonna believe in web standards, I'm gonna believe in web standards for all ... Not just web standards for the two latest versions of FireFox. This is exactly what I told the members on one forum, and yet similar replies continued to pour in, including ones such as:

... Nobody uses Netscape anymore ((and)) if anybody does, it's there ((sic)) fault for using a browser that's two years out of date. If you're really worred ((sic)) about it, put a message VIA Javascript telling users to get a modern browser.

I replied to that genius by telling them that I'd rather not amend the problem with a 2002esque workaround like a JavaScipt notification, and that the whole reason I started the thread was because I had been avoiding that type of practice since 2008.

Everyone ignored this, though, and continued ranting on about how Netscape dropped support back in 2007, and that, hey, look on the bright side, loads of 'web designers' have even started ignoring Internet Explorer 6, and it is still supported!

Far from considering this a 'bright side' to webdesign, ((In fact, it seems like a step back to the dark ages, to be perfectly honest,)) I eventually just started replying with short, clipped responses thanking the posters for their opinions, thank you very much indeed, and that I would simply seek help elsewhere. After that, I began receiving butthurt replies such as ...

You won't find anything different ((...)) Netscape 4.7 is DEAD! ((...)) It has been resting peacefully in it's grave for 10 years now. No matter how much time you expend ((or)) waste, trying to find a solution you won't as there isn't one to be found. ((...)) So if you are hoping for some kind of biblical style ressurrection ((sic)) of the deceased, I can only admire your faith, even though it is misplaced.

... Which I've so far ignored, but I'm quite tempted to visit again and post just one more reply --- If only to use an amazingly good comeback that's been kicking around my cranium for the last few days. I won't divulge said comeback here, though, as I do believe it's better kept to myself, considering it's more than just a little bitchy. >_>;

Now, I will admit that there were two or three forum members that suggested several plausible workarounds for my problem, workarounds that I will definitely attempt to execute in the future. Obviously, though, these helpful members were the minority in comparison to the large amount of decidedly unhelpful members.

What made me rage overall, though, was the hypocrisy. I mean, one minute they're marching forward, declaring web standards for all of the World Wide Fuckin' Web, and the next minute they're backtracking as fast as they can, insisting that they only meant web standards for those who use the newest versions of FireFox, Safari, or Opera. Fuck Netscape, man. Fuck Internet Explorer. Shit, fuck any browser that wasn't developed by Mozilla and released in the last six months!

Instead, let's all put a JavaScript alert on our sites that orders non Mozilla users to simply get right the fuck out! Sounds like a smashing idea to me! Shit, don't stop now, though, we're on a roll --- You break out the fucking layouts constructed entirely of tables surrounded by <center> tags, I'll contact Mozilla and let 'em know we want the option to colour scrollbars and customise mouse cursors included in the next release of FireFox! Hell, if we're gonna backtrack, we might as well really backtrack, right?!

;She takes an extremely deep breath.;

In other words, hypocrisy freakin' trips me out, man.