I almost wasn't going to post an entry this week, so I would have had more free time to chip away at that massive To Do List I mentioned in last week's entry ... But I felt unbearably guilty and lazy and disorganised at the very thought of skipping it, so here I be!

Yep. Here I be. Wasting a large chunk of my day clickity clacking on the keyboard when I should really be doing something, y'know, away from the computer. e_e;

Regular visitors of mallorymaloney.com will recall my post last month, in which I discussed the recent medical problems I had been having. ((For the lazy and unloyal, there's the possibility I have a cyst in my left ovary which has been causing me discomfort.)) A couple of you guys have been asking for an update on the situation, but until yesterday, I didn't have any more news to update anyone with! x_X; The phone call I received yesterday changed that, though.

... Oh, wait. No it didn't.

The phone rang while I was in the middle of making supper yesterday, and since both of my parents were out, I had to drop everything I was doing and answer it. This pissed me off straight away, because when I make supper every weeknight, I like to make it all at once, uninterrupted. Unfortunately, this never happens. Ever. And, obviously, yesterday wasn't an exception.

However, when I answered and realised it was my doctor's office phoning about the results of the pelvic ultrasound I had on 23 December 2010, I became considerably less pissed, thinking that I would finally solve the mystery of my annoying lower abdominal pains. Instead, the nurse told me that they 'weren't completely sure' whether or not I had a cyst in my left ovary, but that they thought there could be a small one present. Then she very reassuringly added, 'Um, maybe,' in a delightfully doubtful tone.

She then went on to explain that I'd need a second ultrasound in six to eight weeks, ((At the beginning of February,)) And that she's call me back around that time and schedule and appointment for me. I did the whole 'okay', 'great', 'thank you so much' dance for her, but in my head I was thinking, Thank you, but that won't be necessary, ma'am. I've had just about enough of your useless help. You and your colleagues can fuck off straight away, though, if you'd like! Seriously, though, I'm simply not going in a second time.

There are several reasons for this:

You have to drink five cups of fucking water and hold it for an hour before the appointment. Have you ever tried to do this before ...? If you haven't, feel free to go ahead and try.
When I went ahead with the complete intention to do so myself, I soon realised what I know now: It's fucking impossible. I had to piss most of it out before I even left the house for my appointment because I was simply, purely, honestly unable to hold it any longer --- And when I did allow myself to go, it trickled out in a tiny stream, despite the fact my bladder was so full it had become intensely painful. And as I mentioned in my 8 December 2010 entry, not being able to urinate when I 'gotta go' has become a serious phobia of mine.
To prepare for the appointment, I drank all five cups of water at once, and, shortly after, started feeling extremely strange. My hands and arms went numb, I started shaking, my heart rate sped up, I felt dizzy and faint, and I was unable fully focus my eyes. Granted, I should have drank the five cups of water in a span of time longer than ten minutes, but still --- I became intensely frightened of what was going to happen to me, to the point of sobbing and posting hysterical Tweets all while honestly thinking that I was going to die of water intoxication. In the end, I was fine, other than having to pee every fifteen minutes for the rest of the day, but I'd never want to repeat any part of that horrible experience ever again.

I'm not feeling anywhere near the same level of discomfort or pain I was feeling last month. There's some definite twinges here and there, but for the most part, the discomfort and the pain are both gone. This falls very solidly into the 'If it isn't broken, don't fix it' philosophy I have in regards to my body.

Furthermore, even if I did go ahead and have a second ultrasound, what good would it do? Firstly, ovarian cysts are benign ninety eight percent of the time, so there's virtually no worry of it being malignant. Secondly, if it's grown larger, then it would be causing me more discomfort, not less. Thirdly, even it somehow has grown larger without me feeling it whatsoever, there's actually not much they can do.

Understandably, doctors avoid surgery at all costs when it comes to things like benign cysts, unless they've become freakishly large, so the ways they go about 'treating' an ovarian cyst are rather primitive: They tell you to wait and see if the cyst shrinks on its own, or they put you on birth control to stop your ovaries from releasing eggs, thus rendering them unable to create new cysts.

However, as I stated in the 8 December 2010 entry, I'm not interested in taking birth control for anything other than, well, controlling the possibility of birth --- And even then, I don't particularly approve of the idea.

In conclusion, going to the appointment would be seriously fucking pointless, so, unless I'm in loads of pain again by the time February rolls around, I'm going to be giving them the finger. Okay, so I'm not actually going to flip them the bird. In all seriousness, I'm going to politely yet firmly explain exactly why I refuse to get a second ultrasound.

... But only because you can't give people the one fingered salute over the phone. o_o