13 October 2008 
'The Surprise'.
It's plagued your minds for three months. It's haunted your dreams. It's eaten away at your sanity. 'What could it be?!', and 'When will it be revealed?!' are two questions that have been weaving in and out of your thoughts for nearly twelve long weeks. You've lost sleep, spending hours upon hours in front of your computers, frantically refreshing mallorymaloney.com's Hiatus page. You've forgotten to eat. Your family and friends have given up hope you'll ever be 'normal' again. You haven't been able to spare a few moments to even use the bathroom. Your bedroom smells like a hobo convention took place as a result.
But kiddies, your minds can finally have a shred of peace --- You'll now have only lovely dreams, in which you make out with your favourite celebrity, band member, or political leader! Your sanity, ((If you had any to begin with, that is,)) Will return! Your the 'F' and the '5' on your F5 keys will become unworn, and magically grow fresh, new, slightly raised ink! You'll ((Unfortunately)) Gain back all that weight you lost from forgetting to eat and become a fatty once again! You will finally be able to take a goddamn shit! O_O ((Oh, and you'd best spray some Lysol around. I'm thinking that'll help with the hobo smell.))
An excited hello to all of my loyal visitors! ^_^
In case you haven't already caught on ...
o_O ...
mallorymaloney.com is back open! And as a result, 'The Surprise' is now unveiled and released to the public eye! Now, I'm sure some of you may have instantly caught on to exactly what 'The Surprise' is, but then again, you may have not. But no worries either way, 'cause I'm about to explain every aspect of the 'The Surprise' in detail --- Because it is, indeed, more than a single aspect. ^_~ ((Prepare for a large dose of TL;DR ... In a tidy list format. >_>)) Here we go!
Firstly, an obvious visual aspect --- The new layout, Version Thirty Eight! Quite attractive, isn't it? Never mind that question; Of course it is! How could it be anything other than attractive, when that's my eyes in the header image ...? Oh, that's right! It's just not possible. ^_^ No, but seriously, I'm extremely fond of this layout as a whole. Soft greys paired the starkness of white and black is always stellar. ^^ And I've never used music notes as a layout motif before!
Something else I've never done before, is do away with iFrames --- Wait, wait, before you all start calling me a liar, now! Ahem. Something else I've never done before, is do away with iFrames ... Forever! That's correct, captain, you'll never see a single iFrame anywhere on mallorymaloney.com ever again! But wait; Before you comically spray your drink all over your screen, you'd best continue reading ...
Seeing as iFrames have been officially banished from the wacky world of mallorymaloney.com; I've used DIVs for this layout, instead. ^^ 'Hmm,' I can hear you musing to yourself, 'Alright, that's dandy and all, but DIVs aren't exactly fresh and new.' Think again, kiddo! These aren't any old DIVs ... These are DIVs powered one hundred percent by CSS 2.1! And I mean one hundred percent, motherfuckers --- The positioning, the background images, the border colours, the border widths ... Everything. No more incorrectly placing a DIV's visual attributes in the HTML for Mallory! Oh, and did I mention that all of the 2.1 levelled CSS I used is valid? I didn't mention that? Hmm, must've slipped my mind. o_o In that case, yes, the CSS is valid as fuck --- Feel free to run it through the Douleya Three Cee's valid CSS checker, if you don't believe me!
Oh, and hang on --- I've just noticed I typed 'HTML' above. Silly me, I didn't mean HTML ... I meant xHTML! ^^ Actually, to be more specific ... xHTML 1.0 Strict! Wait, no, that's not exactly right, either ... I should've mentioned something about the xHTML 1.0 Strict being is as equally valid as the CSS. Whoops, I sure am forgetful sometimes! n_n; Wait ... What? You think I'm kidding? O_O I am shocked! Absolutely shocked! Go and see for yourself, then --- Run any page on mallorymaloney.com through the Doubleya Three Cee's validation checker ... You'll soon see that it's all valid as a nun's hoohah.
You read correctly --- I typed out the phrase 'run any page on mallorymaloney.com' through the validation checker. Let's read that sentence again: 'Run any page on mallorymaloney.com'. 'Any page?' You ask. 'Wait, hang on a tic. Any page?!' Yessireebob, any page at all! Because the entire domain has been validated to a fucking tee ... All in xHTML 1.0 Strict! Not just the layout ... Not just a page or two ... mallorymaloney.com in its entirety. o_o
And of course, mallorymaloney.com isn't running on xHTML 1.0 Strict alone --- It's also running on PHP. ^^ Sorry? You didn't expect this ...?! Why ever not? It all seems quite logical to me! o_o Easier for visitors, easier for me ... Easier all 'round. Did it also slip my mind to mention that I find PHP extremely simple to work with ...? No ...? Oh, well then --- It is! ^_^ Makes me wonder: Why do some people online bother to brag about their vast knowledge and understanding of PHP, when it strikes me, ((A beginner in every sense of the word,)) As so very simplistic ...?
Tra la la ... ^_^ Let's see what else I've got up my ((Awesome red and white striped/skull adorned)) Sleeve, shall we? Hmm ... Hang on ... ;She flicks her wrist, and something appears in the palm of her hand, quite out of midair.; Oh! What's this ...? It's ... It's ... Dear God, it's ... Holy fucking trees with dicks; It's WordPress installed on bloody mallorymaloney.com! WTF ...! WTF! ... What the actual fuck?!
...
((Now it would be considered an acceptable time, to comically spray your drink all over your screen.))
Cockadoodleshit, what the fuckity fuck?!
Got that out of your system there, friend? o_o Okay, good. I'm glad you have such perfect control over your emotional outbursts. =_= Ahem. Anyway ... Hell yeah, mallorymaloney.com is running entirely on WordToYourMotherPress! Installed it on my own, created a theme from scratch for it on my own, I even had to upgrade it twice on my own; Since I was moseying along at my own comfy three month long pace, and I --- Oops! I did it again. n_n;
No, I didn't play with your heart/get lost in the game --- It just slipped my mind that this new layout you're looking at, AKA Version Thirty Eight, is actually a WordPress theme ... A WordPress theme I created entirely from scratch myself. ^_~ None of that 'modifying a theme slightly and acting like you created it on your own' n00b bullshit for Mallory --- Fuck that. I said to myself, I said, 'Mallory, if you're gonna convert to WordPress, you're gonna make your own cocksuckin' theme to go with it.' And that is exactly what I did. I made my own cocksuckin' theme. o_o
And that, my fetchingly lovely visitors, is the first half of 'The Surprise'. Overwhelmed yet? If so, you'd best become underwhelmed eh ess eh pee ... Because there's still many more aspects of 'The Surprise' that I'd like to brag about. ^o^ ... Er, I mean, that I'd like to bring to everyone's attention. o_o; Yeah. ;She coughs loudly.; Um, look, another winsome list!
Every single section page on mallorymaloney.com has been revamped. Each section page now has a image based title directly at the top. ((Which will always match the current layout.)) Links within are now organised in an either alphabetical order, or by order of importance; As opposed to being listed in a random, 'I'll just stick that here ... Or whatever,' fashion. New sections with new content have been created. Extremely outdated or extremely non viewed sections have been removed --- And so on. *^^* To put it simply, many more changes have been made to each individual section page! ((Granted, some of the changes are slightly more subtle than others ... But they have been made!))
Every single subpage on mallorymaloney.com has been revamped. Coding wise, obviously, but that's not what I mean --- I mean content wise, as well ... Everything has been gone over with a fine tooth comb. ((I don't actually own a comb of any sort, but if I did; It'd be black, and have a pattern of little white and red skulls on the handle. ^_^)) For example; Multiple subpages have been renamed for simplicity's sake, and each subpage's name is directly on the page itself, in a handy clickable link format. The 'top of the page descriptions' have all been rewritten from scratch. Dead links have all been removed and/or replaced. New subpages containing new content have been added. Extremely outdated or extremely non viewed pages have been removed --- And again, many more changes have been made that you may ((Or may not)) Notice! ^w^
A new search function has been added! Nope, not another Google based, 'site:www.mallorymaloney.com+oh+look+a+pseudo+search' shenanigan ... This search function is the real thing, integrated directly into WordPress! Feel free to take it for a test run, yeah? I, myself, find it enjoyable to search for phrases I know don't exist on mallorymaloney.com ... Phrases like 'go climb a wall of dicks you Nazi whore', or even, 'cranberry juice always tastes like turkey regardless of whether or not you're also eating turkey at the same time'. ((And just so it's not boring, I sometimes add to that second search phrase, 'it occasionally tastes like pubes dipped in urine, too'.))
Clickable 'forward' and 'back' arrows! Located at the bottom of the search result pages, the Archive pages, and the Updates/Blog pages ... And they only appear when you need them to! ^o^ And none of that n00b 'onclick="history.back()"' horseshit, either --- These are correctly coded WordPress integrations.
A new, automatic, WordPress based Archive system for the Updates/Blog entries. *_* So much easier than pasting all of last month's blog entries into new HTML files every new month! ^^ Unfortunately, this also means all of the old, pre WordPress Updates/Blog entries are no longer online. T_T The reason for this, is that I would have had to paste each entry one by one into WordPress, creating a new 'post' for each and every entry --- Forty two months worth, with each month having an average of ten to fifteen entries. X_X; And it's not just a matter of simply copying and pasting each entry ... It's also a matter of recoding every single bit of ancient HTML into xHTML, as well as fixing image URLs, checking for/repairing broken links, and more! Dear God. #_#; Surprisingly, I actually began to do this a few weeks ago. I began dutifully copying, pasting, and recoding each entry methodically. Only when I realised it was several hours later, and I only had two meagre months worth of old entries revamped, did I blink blearily at my PC's monitor, and mutter, 'Fuck this shit.' ((Never mind the fact that I'd have to figure out how to transfer the literal thousands of comments from HaloScan over to WordPress. x_X)) So I hope you guys understand why I allowed myself to be lazy with this single aspect --- But if any of you very much want the old Updates/Blog entries and comments back online, just let me know! Perhaps I can think of an easier workaround. Until then, though, they'll stay on my hard drive --- And, of course, within the ol' WayBack Machine.
WordPress integrated, moderated comments! Okay, so this really isn't all that interesting ... But hey, no more unreliable HaloScan whose JavaScript based comment links only show up seventy five percent of the time! No more dodgy HaloScan which cuts off large chunks of comments if an international symbol of love is typed in a trendy text based form! No more retarded HaloScan that enjoys displaying ads which stretch the pop up window's width, forcing a horizontal scrollbar to appear! No more ads! Hell, no more pop ups, either --- Fuck yes! O_O ... ;She breathes in through her nose, and out through her mouth, in a steady, calming manner.; ... And ... Ahem. u_u And ...! No more of my friendly, supportive visitors, having to waste their time reading comments left by jealous haters! ^_~ Tehehe.
What else has been added on mallorymaloney.com? Lots! Go ahead and start exploring all of the content ... You'll soon see that there are loads of new aspects, features, elements, and details galore! ^w^
Because, quite simply put ... This is, all in all, a brand new mallorymaloney.com! And in a nutshell, that's what 'The Surprise' is, as well.
A new era ... A new dawning ... A new epoch of mallorymaloney.com, motherfuckers! O_O
;She raises her arms for the seething mass of screaming, adoring crowds.; Fuckin' ace! *_*
Alright.
Yes, highly celebratory indeed. Let us waste good wine by shaking up bottles of such and spraying them all over ourselves. Let us fling our hats and hairpieces into the air with immeasurable gaiety. Let us twirl noisemakers around in a headache inducing fashion. Let us toss rice in the air that really should be sitting in a pot, getting ready to be boiled into onigiri, or something equally delicious, instead of being wasted as lame ass confetti. =_=
... But seriously now! o_o;
It's time for some explanations, clarifications, and reassurances. ^^; Firstly! I'm sure you're all wondering which demon possessed me, exactly, and why they decided to transform my body into a valid coding, WordPress loving, standards compliant pussy. Well, unfortunately, ((Unfortunate because it'd be really dickin' cool if I got possessed by an evil spirit,)) There is no such demon. e_e
I merely made up my mind slowly, over the course of a year or so, that I wanted to better mallorymaloney.com. But at first, I wasn't sure how I wanted to better it --- Should I add more content? Should I remove a shitload of content? Should I start blogging every single day? Should I cut out all cussing and/or questionable topics, to appeal to a wider range of visitors?
I wasn't exactly sure ... But I was sure of one thing: I didn't want to make any changes at all that I felt took away from the 'personality' of mallorymaloney.com. So obviously, keeping this goal in mind, I had to eschew all of the questions listed above ... And, with equal obviousness, that didn't leave me with many other possibilities.
That is, until I felt ridiculously absurd one day, and started imagining mallorymaloney.com as a 'valid' site. As you might expect, I initially lolled the fuck out of that inane idea, and then happily continued along with my invalid, iFrames, Microsoft FrontPage, <font color="isthereacolourdarkerthanblack"> usin' day. But for some reason, I couldn't stop musing over the idea of perhaps validating my coding. And as soon I consciously acknowledged those musings and ideas, and began to really think it over ... My mind just basically exploded with inspiration!
No, brain matter did not burst out of my ears and nostrils; I merely became keen on the idea of code validation ... And then keen on switching to DIVs ... Then the idea of switching everything to PHP ... Then, finally, the idea of installing WordPress as a content management system for mallorymaloney.com. And let me tell you something: When Mallory becomes keen on an idea, ninety percent of the time, she doesn't let that idea slip away until she acts on it. o_o; This can be either a good thing, or a bad thing ... But in this case, it was definitely a good thing. ((Martha Stewart would agree, I reckon.))
Skipping a lot of the storytelling theatrics, I became consumed with the idea of 'perfecting' mallorymaloney.com, put the site on a Hiatus immediately, worked my ass off for the first few days/weeks, causing the Carpal Tunnel Syndrome in my right wrist to flare up like a bitch, as I decided to just work through the pain --- But then, in a slow wind down, I became very chill about the whole thing, deciding that this Hiatus would also be a bit of a much needed break for me.
I worked on things here and there, some days for only fifteen minutes, others for eight hours or longer --- Just whatever I felt like at the given time! I allowed myself to have a lot of fun with it --- However, when it came right down to the nitty gritty, I did push myself hard.
I wanted to learn, learn, learn all this new shit, as quickly as I could while still actually absorbing the information. I learnt how to correctly install, ((And upgrade,)) WordPress in a few hours, I learnt how to create WordPress themes from scratch in one day, I leant xHTML Strict 1.0 in a matter of mere minutes, ((It's basically identical to HTML 3.2/4.0, which was what I was using prior,)) And I learnt the basic techniques of PHP in a day, as well.
Of course, this was spread out over a course of weeks, because each time I learnt something new, I spent extensive time going over it all in detail; Experimenting with what I could do, exactly, and what I could creating using these new techniques.
Overall, though, this 'newfangled' coding wasn't what took so long, ironically enough ... It was the creative aspects! For example, I must have made three or four layouts before I settled on this one ... A full day deciding which musical notes the bullet images would be, exactly ... At least a week deciding which shades of grey I wanted the forms to be ... Another week deciding which trashed typewriter font I should use for the header ... Several days deciding on the placement of the music notes on the background images ... And so on! And dear God, don't even get me started on how long it took for me to come up with brand new 'top of the page descriptions' for all of the subpages, or how long it took for me to complete my new Autobiography page. Don't even get me started.
Okay, too late, I'm already revved up. You've put the pedal to my metal and floored me, babe --- And my brakes are shot. =_=
It took me three weeks to write my Autobiography page --- Three weeks! --- And in a way that I still only find mildly satisfactory. I'm living with it, though, because everything else I came up with was either shit, longer than Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer and twice as dramatic, shit, longer than the Bible and just as full of obvious lies, shit, uninformative, shit, or just basically shit. I think I wrote five or six variations before I came up with the one you can view now, which is less shit than the others. ;_;'
No, but seriously, it's quite alright ... Both my Autobiography, and how long everything took me overall. It's actually been a lot of fun having such a big project to work on! It's kept me extremely busy in an enjoyable way, it's sharpened my mind, it's sparked my creativity time and time again, and it's just been a stellar experience overall.
And this is only just the beginning! I can hardly wait when the time comes to update, or to add new content, or to make a new layout ... And don't forget the fact that I'll likely be blogging more often! ^^; It's all gonna be ridiculously fun. >w<
... o_o;
Jesus Christ running a hot dog stand, I've turned into a giant geek --- Even more so than I was before. In fact, I may have already passed geekery. x_o; I may be on the verge of nerddom as we speak! X_X; Fuck! I just remembered! ... I own a pair of black suspenders ... Pants suspenders! Oh, shit, oh shit --- Wait!
Wait. Never mind ... They have skulls on them. And everyone knows that nerds never wear skull patterned suspenders.
Whew ... Close one. #_#;
Alright, so it's been established that I am most definitely a geek. >_>; However, there is one thing I will never, ever be; Not as long as I and mallorymaloney.com live. And what would that thing be ...?
An elite cunt. =_=
That's right, I said it --- And I mean it, too! O_O
For example, you'll never see me transform into someone like, oh, I don't know ... Anally Retentive Amanda, Jelloid Jowled Jem, Butyraceous Becky, Slattern Sarai, Non Compos Mentis Nellie, Adipose Aisling, Doesn't Say Much Besides 'Lol' Dee, Bats In The Belfry Britney, Repeatedly Rejected Rachael, or even Bitchboy Brent! o_o
((As my footer so cleverly reads ... Take that, cunts! ^_^V))
No sir, no way, no how --- Doesn't matter what type of coding or content management system I use, I'm still the same person you know, love, and loathe. Sorry to disappoint anyone who was hoping my attitude changed along with my domain! Tehehe ... Not a chance, motherfuckers. ^_~
But really now, all gloating merriment aside ... There you have it!
At long last, 'The Surprise': Unveiled, uncloaked, and unmasked for the world to see! If you have any questions to ask, opinions to share, compliments to make, helpful criticisms to voice, ((Or Hell, even unhelpful criticisms,)) Feel free to contact me ... I'm just a comment, eMail, or contact form submission away! ^w^
And just one last thing ... I'd like to give a very special thank you to all of my wonderful visitors, friends, and family, for your constant interest and support throughout these last months. I love all of you guys so much! *^^*
... Now stop dicking around and get commenting, you bastards! =_=
TL;DL
TL;DR even :P
Reply From Mallory: Whoa, boy! Careful there, keyboards can be wild creatures --- You've got to really work to keep 'em under control. I know it can be tough sometimes! My advice is to simply dig your heels in, choke up on the reins, and get right back on there if you fall off.
And never forget ... You can do it if you believe in yourself!
Good luck. ^_~
ZOMFGMALLORY.
Okay, time for the resto f the comment. I really just wanted to be the first that time, so I typed as fast as I could before someone else got there.
Yes, I'm that cool.
ANYWAY. ZOMG. I didn't realise how long this blog was untill I'd finished reading it. I scrolled up and was like "WOAH I READ A LOAD".
Gosh. For. Three. Months.
You have been working your BUTT off. I salute you. I bow down to you. But I'm not buying you ice-cream. LOL. Kidding. I'll buy you loads if you want.
All this time you've been validating and editing and ZOMG GETTING RID OF IFRAMES.
Amazing. I just couldn't ever imagine mallorymaloney.com without them until I saw this for my very eyes! And a search! And no more HaloScan!
Ok, if I don't cut this comment short, I'll never stop. Infact, I have SO MUCH to type right now. But it'd be a bad idea. My fingers might drop off.
But this is.
AMAZING.
Yes, it is.
Mindblowing.
I pooped my pants and all. LOL.
Sorry, didn't mean to be graphic.
But now I know what you've been up to!
How's life generally!?! I haven't read a mallorymaloney.com blog in like millenia!
Wow, no IFrames, I wasn't expecting this. R.I.P IFrames, we'll be sad to see you go but you've served your time here. Lol. Love the site by the way.
xx
You know my favorite part about your Autobiography page?
You quoted Peter Pan. XD
I'll have you know, you are the reason I even read that book, because you mentioned it here ages ago, and I finally got around to reading it recently. LOVED IT.
Though I guess I should comment on all the awesome, right? You astound me with your dedication. Learning all of this shit and how to apply it in so little time? Many people (me included) would be far too lazy. You inspire me!
And though I'll be out for the entire afternoon, I promise I shall read every single page when I get back!
All I can say is that I wish I was as epic as you, MallyMoo. I honestly am sooo relieved you've finally unveiled THE SURPRISE. Now maybe you can answer my eMails you ABSOLUTE FIEND!! GET YOUR ASS MOVING NOW!! I DON'T CARE IF YOU'VE BEEN WORKING ON THIS FOR MONTHS.
;)
Anyway, epically long explanation of The Surprise aside (I didn't read, just scanned, so I have the jist) I'ma go explore like a crazy person because - believe it or not - I've missed MM.com something chronic. Will LLI get going now? .-.
**evil look** IT BETTER!!
Much love and musical things. xxxx
I'll stop spamming in a minute, I swear.
But yeah, you're right. My blog needs editing! And I'm happy about it!
BTW I know you're probably EXHAUSTED from all the kick-ass work you've been doin, but just wanted to let you know that some images on your past versions page weren't working.
DID YOU KNOW I MET YOUR SITE WAYWAY BACK IN LIKE VERSION 7?! I wasn't like regular commenter, but I'd seen you back then! I don't even think I had a SITE back then. Woah. Times change.
Okay, last comment, I swear.
SPAM! ;)
Reply From Mallory: No worries at all, Aneeka --- Thank you so much for letting me know about it! ;Gratefulness ahoy.; I messed up the image URLs, was all. -_-; But I've fixed it now, thanks to you! ^^;
Holy crap.
*hyper ventilates and falls off chair*
Okay, well, I'd just like to say that it looks insanely awesome, Mallory. And that was quite a blog. It took me a good 20 minutes to get through the whole thing. o_o
Love your site, and congrats on The Surprise! 8D
LOVE YOU ;)
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY you're back! wahoooo *eats an entire cake* ...uh..
YAYYY YOU'RE BACK SISTER MALLORY!!
;) i kind of guessed the surprize!! Yayyyy i'm good! But i didn't expect WP to be here heheheheehehe :) welcome to the world of plugins :D!! Heh my website doesn't validate T_T - because of some coding errors in plugins actually :( :( :( meh i need to run over all that crap again!
I'll now go and navigate around the spiffeh new sectionz! :D
You should really be careful about who you're friends with because one of those precious people you thought "kept the secret" didn't.
Reply From Mallory:
A: Nice try, Nellie. ^_~
B: Even if it is the truth, who cares? Everyone knows the big ol' secret now!
C: And lastly ... As if I'd listen to any advice you dole out, ROTFL! I suggest you take a good, long look at the company you keep, Miss Non Compos Mentis. ^x^ Hehe.
Holy shit... Like, seriously, holy fucking shit. I'm fucking impressed. I officially envy your talent and work. I can't even describe how jealous I am also! I've been wanting to validate my site and make everything all "politically correct in the web design world" if you will, for a long ass time - I don't know where to begin. I don't even know where to go to begin to teach myself what the proper coding is. You've inspired me, Mallory. BUT I doubt I'll do it anytime soon, if I do.... Well, I won't.
Alright, on to more hyperventilating. Wow! Holy Shit! Alright I finished reading the entire entry. That's right, the entire fucking entry. I must say, I have a lot of exploring to do. I'm going to go over every page. Boredom has hit - and its hit hard, folks. I missed this site being opened! Also love the footer... Take That, Cunts. Muaha! That's evil in its purest form.
Honestly though, Bravo. Bra-fucking-O to you Mallory. All your hard work has surely paid off, and I'll be the first to say you did an amazing job fixing, redoing, editing, revamping, everything.
Unbelievable. -Speechless- Oh! On a final note, the link button you made, that says "Please Update Link Banner" - fucking adorable! I must update your link banner now ... I will be browsing afterward.
Congrats on the Surprise - and the awesomeness of the whole thing.
omg!! the new look is fan-fucking-tastic!!!! i've been checking back daily to see how far you were coming along and visited several times today too (stupid british time being ahead of canada!!) but love the new look and i'll definately have a look round the rest of the content :)
very inspiring ^.^
WOO FINALLY!
I've been waiting for this ~
Well, obviously ^_^;
And woah, three weeks on autobiography? That's a long time!! o_o
And the header at the top is.... so cool? Well it's amazing-er that "so cool" but my minds abit blank today..
Good luck and stuffz!
x
FINALLY. It's been what, three months?
I'm glad MM is up and running again, it looks great ^_^
Please learn the correct usage of a semi-colon. :D
Reply From Mallory: Please learn the correct usage of my ass; It's there to be kissed. n_n
HOLY. CRAP.
You plagued my nightmares for three months!!
But, to be kinda honest, this is worth it. Thank you for re-opening and restoring my sanity. :D
HEY OMG YOU'RE OPEN AGAIN :D:D And congrats on the massive revamp!!! *applause*
Hahah I practically did that to my own site too. I totally busted out of the stupid iframes and moved to XHTML and boy was the whole thing a pain in the ass. It's worth it though, I got rid of 4-year-old content.
WordPress was going to be a pain for me, so I didn't try it. That meant I had to change all my php includes.. gross.
As for the kids, aww! One day they WILL be cool (yeah.. one day.. ahha), and I'm sure you won't be ruining their self-esteem anymore ;)
If it wasn't for that awesome story you wrapped around it, this update wouldn't be uber-TL;DR. o_o
Dude, you finally jumped on the bandwagon to validate your shiz. <.< Joking. 'Tis lookin' spiffin' awesome! Good job on getting this all together in such a short time. (rly, I'm so lazy....)
rofl @ list of people you'll never be. XD
I love how each individual comment of yours contain a lovely amount of bullets. Your coding is valid as shit, but you fail in the comments. Text-only based browsers would tell you why.
Your bulleting also fails. Yes, the coding is valid, but you can use CSS to code those bullets in instead.
FYI, WordPress is n00b friendly, that's why you find PHP so easy. The PHP functions in WordPress are meant to help you to get a clear and concise way to show the data from your database.
And since you said that PHP just that easy, can you help me to write an expression for a regex function that I need? The code should be something like AA234RY345. If you could, then thank you for being the 1337est PHP ninja, when there's more to it than what you think.
Oh, and at the same time, try to write your own CMS, then tell me how easy it is because you don't need any help from PHP.net, or even anyone for that matter, since you're soooo smart because PHP is easy. Besides, I'm sure you can come up with the most secure CMS that receives nil spam and also nil error messages which is at the same time the most n00b friendly.
By the way, can I get a refund for all this? I came here to see Mallory's wonderful surprise, not to destroy my brain with 2814344392704 swearwords in every 10 words.
I'm having so much fun and I've more debatable things than this (I've only started), but then again I'm waiting for the regex code and your 110% more-secure-than-Jem CMS script.
Sorry Mallory but... Overall = FAIL.
Reply From Mallory: Sorry, you said 'bullets', 'PHP', and 'Jem' too many times --- I'm not able to compute. o_o I do believe I'm going to ignore your gutless, worthless, nameless, eMailless comment! ^^
Oh, but if you need any help with PHP, please, just eMail me! No need to clutter up mallorymaloney.com's comments with your n00btacular questions! ((And jealous dribble!)) ^_~
I don't understand why you linked me, dear Mallory! Unless you wanted me to check my referrals, come to your blog, and read it, especially the part where you mention my name specifically... I think the last time I mentioned you on my blog was, well, never. Strange. Thanks for the traffic, though!
P.S. I do find it cute that you called me Slutty Sarai. How wonderfully original and snarky.
Reply From Mallory:
Pfft, you don't gotta negatively link to get negatively linked in Mallory Land --- You just gotta fit the requirements of an elite cunt! ^_~
As for your name, sigh ... I know, I know. It was rather boring, I agree. I wanted to name you something more interesting, like Third Wheel, or Bandwagon Jumper, or something more creative of the same sort --- But alas, your name doesn't start with a 'T' or a 'B'. Difficult and distraughtly times, that's for sure! ;_;
And no prob' about the free traffic, BTW. n_n I bet you got a lotta new fans now, huh!
I don't have the time to read your entire entry right now since it's 5:20 in the morning and I'm off to work in one hour but I'll be back later tonight. I just wanted to say big congrats on the valid xhtml strict! Most people don't even bother validating their sites and it's not often I see a site coded in strict. So yay for that! :D Anyway, time for breakfast now but I'll be back tonight to read the rest.
Tsuyu: Humans still use Text-only browsers? I thought only web spiders have that capability... Damn it, should've known that.
Mallory's right, though. You should have e-mailed her in case you needed help, or you should have put a more valid e-mail in your comment, so at least she knows.
Mallory: I've got the feeling that you were "forced" to make your site XHTML/CSS valid. I don't know, maybe because the last sentence at the copyright part seems to stand out (literally). :P
And don't worry, Tsuyu loves you, because he(?) even looked at the source to check for your errors (even though there are none). Very thoughtful, isn't it? :)
Geekiness aside, great work on executing the 'Surprise'. Is there a sequel on this? XD
Reply From Mallory: Hehe, thanks for backing me up, Jessie'! ^^;
I wasn't 'forced', per se, but the influence of elite bitchery definitely helped me along ... Simply because I love proving people wrong/shocking them in one go. x3; And it's safe to say they certainly never expected this! Tehehe. ((Despite, of course, the fact that they lie, and attempt to deny it. -_- Pfft.))
Yay! lol. This is a pretty big surprise xD When I first saw your layout I thought it was in php but xHTML? Still great!
lol Hey is every page a new folder? lol. xHTMl sound shard?
this layout kicks ass... i'm trying to get my new layout up but it's taking forever to upload everything.
g'day & OMGG, i love this layout aye! :D
wow, i can't believe i read your whole blog -.-
*dancezz* woooop! that's hell good about your valid xhtml & css! your hell skilled, i would try but i'd phail :D!
you seem so genuine.. if ya get me! the way you write is so like honest! haha, it's so interesting aye :]!
but wtf is wrong with that tsuyu peep? i swear that you attract some weird visitors LOL, i mean if they don't like your site then why the fuck even waste their time visiting it -.- lameee!
YOU ROCKKKK MALLORY :D hehehe
Oh I just love your site.. you write alot and that's keeping me from getting up and cleaning my apartment. (:
THIS IS THE SURPRISE!?!?!? WOOOAHH! I definitely thought you were converting your site or adding a forum to your site! I did. Fo'serious. Looks good though.
Ahh, you're back! You were missed muchly <3
Awesome work on the site! Loving the layout as always. I love the musical bullets too (it was worth spending so much time on them, hehe).
PHP, while confusing as hell at times, makes everything better eventually. Glad you're enjoying it. :3
Also, I'm glad to hear you'll be updating more often, because I love reading your blogs. X3
yeah uhm, can we say, HOLY MUTTHA FUCKIN SHITTTT =)) dude! i'm friggen jealous beyond all words, honestly there are no words to describe how awesome I think this looks!! i love iframes, but hwat damn!!! O_O YOU make divs look fucking amazing.
And just a note to the haters, as we can read who they all are, don't be mad cus you aren't mallory. She is fucking amazing. I claim her as my wifey and you can all suck a fat one :) LOLOL.
<33
Hey, I really love what you've done here. I was wondering if you're currently for hire? I want to get my personal website up but I don't know php or wordpress or photoshop or anything.
If you're available please let me know immediately! I'd pay you top dollar! :)
Reply From Mallory: Hey, thanks for the compliment! I'd definitely consider doing so --- That is, if I was paid in advance. Then it'd be no problem at all! eMail me if you're seriously interested, and we can go from there. ^^
Thanks again!
so amazing that id lick it :)
Hello again! I've now read your entire post. Man, that was a long post!
I'm impressed with how fast you learned all these things. For me it was a process over a couple of years and you did it all in three months! That's cool! :)
Hey,
Congrats on getting 'The Surprise' launched! :D
Glad you're back.
Yay! I'm glad the surprise is finally done. I've been checking back since you said you were going to revamp.
Your site inspired me to rebuild mine, do it right. You've got tons of stuff here, and I love it. This layout is very pretty, I love the music notes!
woo! Mallory ! Finally ! I've been like coming to check the site very five seconds xD
MAD! Though i knew there must be a new layout in the surprise xD
but its super duper awesome!
xox
Why do you continue to use double parentheses? Is that what leet people do?
((I should start doing this. not.))
Reply From Mallory:
Actually, I'm not too sure why I use double brackets! I guess it's just become a habit, because I can't even help it anymore --- Heck, I even do it while I'm writing on paper now!
But besides that, you should know by now that I hate anyone and everyone who's 'elite' ... So why would I want to be like them? o_O; Use your common sense, young 'un! Tsk, your head's so filled up with coding, you can't think of much else, it seems ... What a shame. T_T
((Oh, and LOL, I was about to call you 'young lady' ... But then I realised you're actually male. LMAO! It's funny, 'cause you type/act exactly like a chick.))
Hm. I'm supposed to be surprised your site looks like shit and you still can't type?
Lamesauce, man. I feel like I've been ripped off.
Reply From Mallory:
Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry you feel like you were ripped off!
However, I think I know why you feel the way you do ... I forgot to include you in my list of elite cunts! I'll edit my post for you, if that'd make you feel better. ^_^;
Let's see, I could call you, umm ... So Far Up Jem's Arse She Can No Longer Breathe Out Of Her Nose Stephanie? Er, a bit long winded ... But since it's truthful, I'm sure it'd do. ^_~
Hi Mallory. Judging from the nearly endless entry, you have put a lot of work into the site! Congrats. :)
Wow, the surprise is really a surprise! Your site looks so good now, with the new look, and your eyes :p I'm off hiatus too. Visit my site?
Mallory, my dear, you have never even talked to me in your life. You wouldn't know how far up Jem's ass I am or am not.
Reply From Mallory: Stephanie, Stephanie. I don't have to talk to you personally to notice your ass kissin' comments on every single one of her blogs! ((What can I say ... I like to keep myself well informed. ^_~))
You should have a PG-13 warning in your website's welcome with that type of language, young lady!
Anyway... I have to say, you did a pretty marvellous job with updating the validation of your web site, that's for sure. Your site hasn't become more accessible (speaking by aesthetic matters..). The fact that is Your layout is absolutely tiny on high resolutions which causes people to have to scroll for AGES, and the massive amount of swearwords doesn't increase the readability or your credibility as a website owner.
So, I do wish you good luck with your website because even though your web standards have improved, yours haven't, and you might want to work on that. ;)
Reply From Mallory: Actually, the official IWRA rating for mallorymaloney.com is higher than that! W-17, in fact --- 'Web site may not be appropriate for visitors under 17'. ^_~
Why, thank you so very much! And don't be silly, validation is the only thing that matters, remember? That's what you and your friends have always 'taught' me. ^_^
Thanks for that lovely comment Mallory! I feel that all the new updates we have cannot be compared to your really big surprise. Especially the search box thing and the musical css :)
ah...WOW! it looks awesome mallory! the search thing is pretty spiffy. i think the footer just tops it all off. looking lovely!
Just one single suggestion...please change the color of your links. Even though they're bolded you use so much other bold text that it's difficult to tell what's a link and what's not.
Congratulations! This is a definite improvement over your past versions.
Reply From Mallory: Good point! I played around with link styles for quite awhile, but I simply couldn't settle on anything I liked. ((Any more than the plain black bolded style.)) Poopsicles ... ;Fiddles.;
There we go! ^o^ How about basic, old school underlineage? Yay or gay, your say. o_O;
Crikey!! She's a beaut! Congrats on all the new comings with the fabulous site. ;) Looks flippin' fantastic..I'm going to go snoop around now...
Holy duck fuckin' a truck, this is fuckin' amazing! It was sooo worth the wait. Mallory, you're a genius. No, wait.
You're like...a Super Genius. A Genius beyong Genius.
A ULTRA Genius.
:D
I don't know what's funnier: your desperate attempts (which obviously failed) or the fact that it took you three months to install WordPress and create a valid theme for it.
Reply From Mallory:
Hmm, I'm not sure which aspect is funnier, either ... Considering my attempts totally and completely pwned, ((Have you ever received fifty comments on a single post before, m'dear?)) And considering the fact that it only took me one day to create a WordPress theme. ((Of course, if you were actually able to read English, you'd understand this already. ^_~))
So, dang ... I'd have to say neither aspect is very giggle worthy at all! You must just have a weird sense of humour or something, kiddo. o_O;
*Breathes in*
Oh wow....
I'm not quite sure what to say, and I thought revamping my fanlistings page was enough...
I'm so proud!
RuthEmily.
Now that's what I call a bloody awesome revamp! Most people use that word whenever they feel like it, to describe anything, really - revamp, I mean. Usually 'revamping' is just changing a paragraph or something for most people...
But this? This is dedication...Most people keep their sites the same - I'm one of them people, I guess. That must be the safe option, right?
Pretty damn cool that you've kept the 'signature style' of your site. Makes sense to me, anyway. ^_^
--Bexx
Pwnd? Pwnd how?
It'd help if you actually spoke English. Learn how to use parentheses! (And no, that's not a reference to your use of double parentheses.)
Reply From Mallory:
A: Look around you, babe. ^_~
B: LOL, I see whatcha did there. Now that my domain's perfect, the only thing you can find to rag on is the way I type ...? Sad, Beckster. Very sad.
I expected a better comment from you, of all people. ;_; Sheesh ... Way to disappoint me!
Why do you swear so much (I'm really curious)?
Reply From Mallory:
Please check the FAQ page for an answer to your question!
The underline worked well. Your links are obvious now. :)
One more suggestion...RSS?
I know the WPDesigner tutorials cover that, because I've used them myself.
Reply From Mallory:
Thank you!
And yes, it's totally on my to do list, trust me --- I've just been bogged down with Halloween preparations lately, and I haven't even had enough time to type out a new blog yet. #_#; Argh!
Ahhh! My favorite Canadian whore is back! I missed you! I'm loving the new layout, and all your changes are killer. Good on ya, my friend. I'm gonna keep this short cause I've got to go to class soon, but I'm loving it!
my site is back up, check it out if you get a chance.
You worked your ass off for three months if not four to make an ugly layout that is valid just to rub it in all the people you've mentioned in your post? Who, by the way, probably had a very, very good laugh at all of this bullshit and forgot about it already.
You know what? Your life is as pathetic as every swearword you have said in your entire life, and that is nothing new BB!
P.S you argue like a five-year-old for God's sake. Grow up!
And oh, please don't try and give me the "ur s00 jealous!!!11OMG!!" kind of reply, because they're getting so ridiculously outdated, and people only use them when they've been utterly, utterly pwned.
Reply From Mallory:
Hey Rhiannon! What, stabbing me in the back wasn't enough? You had to come back and to kick me while you thought I was down, too?
Think again, 'BB'. I'm well over you, your false friendship, and all of your lies. Ol' Jon was right about just one thing, it seems: You really are nothing but trash. ^_~
PS: My life's pathetic? Right ... 'Cause your life is oh so perfect. Have you hidden from your ebil Mummy out in the car lately, or did you find a new spot to cower? ROTFL ... Loser.
While it's a good thing that you wanted to improve your site, really, all of this should have been done a long time ago. Things have changed quite a bit since you first started building websites and apparently, you and your site hadn't changed in years.
And the layout still hasn't changed. This looks like something back from about 2002 - or when I bought my first domain.
The symbols you throw in, the unnecessary parenthesis, and the other little things you do in every blog entry may seem like originality to you, but as a first time reader of your blog, it's fucking annoying.
Oh and so is the length of this blog entry. You could have summed up what you said in this unbelievably long entry with a few sentences.
Reply From Mallory:
Haha, yeah --- Too bad I don't really care what a wannabe elite cunt like you thinks!
I've come to realise something: Now that mallorymaloney.com is perfected in every way, coding wise, any negative feedback I receive from random/cuntish visitors is, quite obviously, nothing but jealousy ... Pure and simple. ^_~
And that's something that just totally makes my day. Thanks! ^u^