'Hey, Mal, why are you outside ...? Oh! Did you finish all of the Internet?' --- Dad, trying to figure out why in the world I would be away from my computer --- And outside, of all places.

'It's not a magic bike, you can't ride over anything you want! Criss Angel didn't sell it to you!' --- Dad, in frustration, after I accidentally sliced up the back tire of my bicycle by riding over sharp bits of debris.

'Italy has pasta!' --- Craig, excitedly; After seeing Italy displayed on the list of countries that have visited mallorymaloney.com. Well done, Craig!

'Can a guitar be used as a personal flotation device ...?' --- Cameron, the musical genius.

'I lost something a long time ago ... Something I couldn't live without. My penis!' --- Riley, understanding and inventing inappropriate humour at six years of age.

' ... And then I tried to answer my rollerskate instead of the phone.' --- Dad, not having a very good day.

'Everyone's more emo than me ... Except Bozo The Clown. He's less emo than me.' --- Dad, thinking deep thoughts.

'Oh, sure! Then we can live on the streets! I always wanted to be a squeegee kid ...' --- Me, Mallory, using a sarcastic tone, after my Mum suggested an insane financial plan.

'Argh! I be Captain Twist Tie ...' --- Craig, thinking this is scarier than Captain Hook.

'Well, I'm going to go take refugees in the bathroom.' --- Cameron, trying unsuccessfully to state he was taking refuge in the bathroom. Refuge.

'Doctor, Doctor, I smell Dirnt most!' --- Dad, altering the famous 'I smell burnt toast' quote to be about the bassist from Green Day.

'This plan is full of holes! Y'know what? Fuck it.' --- Cameron, always clever with the word play.

'You could be, like, Edward Scissorbelt!' --- Dad, sharing his radical hairdresser ideas with Mum.

'I don't like the outdoors ...' --- Me, Mallory, after wiping out whilst riding my Razor scooter ... And then tripping over a power cord in our backyard afterwards.

'Yippiekiyay, motherfuckers!' --- Dad, thinking he's a fused cowboy/gangsta. ((I didn't realise that Dad stole this quote from the character John McClane of the Die Hard movies until much later, LOL.))

'Somebody's John McClane!' --- Cameron, talking about me in awe ... After I accidentally kicked Riley in the face in a very Die Hardesque manner. ((Don't worry, I didn't hurt him!))

'What?! I spent twenty minutes listening to you sing about bum sex and socks?!' --- Cameron, after I wasted a near half hour of his life, by singing songs of my own invention. ((They were of the self invented genre entitled 'instructional lounge music'.))

'Mallory --- Where did you get pirate makeup?!' --- Dad, alarmed. I had just drawn a piratey moustache on my face with a half eaten black jelly bean.

'I'm gonna go get into my speedo ...' --- Cameron, getting ready to eat a piece of Trident Splash gum. ((I'm sure you've seen the commercials for this gum before!))

'I've got people to do, places to --- No. Wait.' --- Me, Mallory, utterly failing at basic function known as 'talking'.

'Take off the cowboy boots, Sergeant!' --- Cameron, speaking to Riley in an authoritative fashion. Riley had put on Mum's expensive leather boots, and was attempting to play outside whilst wearing them. Cameron's snappy order made no sense whatsoever, though, considering A: They weren't cowboy boots at all; B: Cowboys are rarely Sergeants; C: Sergeants are rarely cowboys, and D: He kept cracking up, so Riley just thought the whole thing was a fantastic game.

'Well that's not very fantastic!' --- Me, Mallory, whilst drunk. I had thought that 'The Fantastic Five' was the right term, but I was corrected and told it was actually 'The Fantastic Four'. You can imagine my feelings toward this realisation.

'Go suck seventeen dicks!' --- Me, Mallory. This is considered one of my catch phrases in the household; Because I scream it when anyone says something even mildly insulting toward me.

'Happy Valentine's Day, sweetie.' --- Dad, giving Mum a beef heart from the grocery store.

'Oh my God, a 'T'! This is the best day of my life!' --- Craig, enthusiastically, after having found two chilli fries in the shape of a letter of the alphabet. The poor kid doesn't get out much.

'Remember, Jesus Points are the official currency of God; And are not valid in Hell.' --- Cameron, laying down the law for the spending of good Samaritan points.

'Stick figure anatomy is not that funny, Mal.' --- Cameron, raising his eyebrow as I drew a 'dick man', and almost died laughing. ((A dick man is just like a stick man, except with a ... Third leg. Hehe.))

'Do these pirates originate from the Caribbean area?' --- Me, Mallory, when anyone mentions a pirate of any kind.

'I am da reaoh Spidowmahn! I breave fioh!' --- My second cousin Tristan, getting his superhero powers a little confused. ((For those of you who don't speak Tristan's foreign tongue, he said 'I am the real Spiderman. I breathe fire.'))

'I am da reaoh Spidowmahn! I breave fioh! And you got burned!' --- Craig, modifying Tristan's quote, and becoming an awesome burninator.

'C'mon, he loves all of your ex boyfriend's presents!' --- Cameron, trying to stop me from throwing out various stuffed animals, and instead give them to Riley.

'Whoa! Okay ... Er, calm down, Fez.' --- Dad, talking to the TV in a disturbed tone. He was watching That 70s Show, when one of the show's psychedelic mini interludes came on. A psychedelic interlude that featured Fez, thrusting his, er ... Junk ... In the general direction of the viewer. >_>;

'I'm on a leash, capisce?' --- Cameron, modifying a quote of Adam's from the first Saw movie. Apparently he's decided Adam is now Italian.

'It's ... It's on the tip of my tongue ... It's ... It's my finger!' --- Cameron, touching his tongue, whilst trying to remember something he wanted to say.

'Yeah, well, I retain my heterosexuality when I unwrap a lollipop.' --- Cameron, speaking disdainfully to me.

'Cameron, go away! I can't be witty when other people are around.' --- Me, Mallory, while I was trying to type up quote explanations for this very page.

'What the fu --- Oh. I thought water was flowing in through the bathroom window.' --- Cameron, as he was walking toward the bathroom. Riley was having a bath and spitting water out the doorway, and obviously, there was no water 'flowing in through the window'.

'I win the awesome award! It's only awarded to people that're awesome!' --- Me, Mallory, singing a song about my oh so apparent awesome.

'They browse the Internet in a shitty way, that's what they do.' --- Me, Mallory, in a deadbeat fashion ... After Cameron asked me what browsers like Opera and Netscape did.

'Since Jesus is currently unavailable for smiteification, I will take His place.' --- Cameron, dealing with world issues.

'Does anyone want this Tootsie turd?' --- Dad, offering the family a Tootsie Roll in a very classy manner.

'You can't breathe, you can't move, you can't talk, you can't see, you can't play your Nintendo DS, you can't eat chocolate chip cookies ...' --- My second cousin Tristan, attempting to compile a complete list of all the things you can't do after you die. Apparently his Mum had recently taught him about death, but clearly, the kid didn't really grasp the concept.

'Fuck. You.' --- Riley, in an evil voice. When he was three years old.

'I don't have a soul.' --- Craig, in a dark and depressed state of mind.

'If you don't smarten up, I'm going to fart --- I mean, start ...!' --- Mum, in the middle of angrily lecturing me, trying not to laugh by accidentally speaking about bodily functions.

'Nice factoid, dick. And this improves my life how?' --- Dad, in a sarcastic tone.

'Mallory spit in the salad!' --- My cousin Melissa, trying to frame a crime on me, after she horked a loogie into the bowl of salad moments before.

'You don't poke them, you catch them.' --- Melissa, obviously not understanding the concept of Pokémon.

'Shut. Up.' --- Riley, in a demented voice, to Mum's friend Jen. ((Jen had tried to say hello to him.))

'Argh, fuck off.' --- Riley. Angelic as usual.

'Everyone's against me!' --- Craig, wailing in deep depression. ((He's an emo kid, apparently.))

'Did you get that Tootsie turd?' --- Dad, still focused on the Tootsie Roll.

'Happy Motherfucker's Day.' --- Dad, not too keen on Mother's Day.

'Mmm, what kind of stoves?' --- Everyone in the whole family, anytime anyone talks about something boring. ((If you've seen the Ginger Bloke interviews on MTV before --- Particularly the one where Ginger Bloke interviews The Killers --- You'll understand this reference!))

'Mmm ... Ahh ... It's dirty; I love it!' --- Everyone in the whole family, anytime anyone says something is 'dirty'. ((Ever seen the Green Day DVD, Bullet In A Bible? You may remember Billie Joe saying something similar to this, as he was leafing through photos of ...Himself.))

'Why is there a turd on my floor?!' --- Craig, freaking out, after he discovered that Riley shit on his bedroom floor. ((Note: This is in no way related to the Tootsie turd quotes.))

'Keep yo blacks blacka den black.' --- Dad, making fun of those Woolite commercials.

'I'm the big bad wolf.' --- Cameron, after seeing me wrapping a red blanket over my head like a hood.

'I can't decide if Constantine is yummy or not ...' --- Cameron, weighing the possibilities.

'Farts a bit.' --- Craig, saying Internet style actions out loud.

'The balloon is molesting me!' --- Me, Mallory, after Cameron blew up a balloon and let it go. It went straight for me and started bouncing off my chest, as the air escaped ... Hence molestation.

'Imagine if you lived to be a hundred and twenty ...? You'd be, like, a really old person!' --- Cameron, utilising his 1337 math skills.

'There's still evidence ... I have to eat the evidence!' --- Craig, making sure no one finds out about his criminal past.

'I have a newfound resex for Hitler --- No! Wait.' --- Cameron. He was trying to jokingly say he had a 'newfound respect' for Hitler, but by mistake he started speaking of ... Other things.

'Blow it!' --- Riley, angrily commanding us to blow more bubbles with our gum.

'Excuse me, the fags called? You're stealing all their gay!' --- Cameron, feeling a bit homophobic one day.

'It was a head bobbing extravaganza.' --- Cameron, about Keanu Reeves' acting.

'So tie a string to his ankle then!' --- Cameron, taking too long in the bathroom, after I told him Riley going to float away in a pool of his own piss ... If Cameron didn't hurry up.

'Good idea, lock the door.' --- Cameron, sarcastically, after I finished chasing a bee outside and then proceeded to lock the screen door securely.

'So, uh ... You guys see any good movies lately?' --- Riley, breaking the ice with casual conversation. ((At five years of age.))

'I'm sweatin' like a fat kid in a candy store with no money!' --- My cousin Brandi, feeling a bit stressed out.

'Rawr! I be a tiger!' --- Me, Mallory, screaming this randomly whenever there's a lapse in a conversation.

'Shaken ... Not stirred.' --- Riley, the classy five year old drinker.

'Avril Lavigne is totally punk!' --- My Dad, making a sarcastic joke. ((I hope.))

'You can trust Klingons not to mispronounce words.' --- Cameron, stating a logical and highly obvious fact.

'Fuck, we're like a bunch of fat office workers trying to get out of the building during lunch hour!' --- Me, Mallory, after my entire immediate family and I returned home from a bunch of errands. After Mum unlocked the front door, we all attempted to enter the house at the same time in a wild frenzy. Evidently, we were unsuccessful.

'No one gives a shit about Bigshit!' --- Cameron. He was trying to make the point that no one cares about Bigfoot anymore. He failed at making a point of any sort.

'Dear wicked Gods!' --- Craig, trying to coin a new phrase one exclaims when exasperated. I'm still not sure if he succeeded brilliantly, or failed miserably.

'Fuck this corporate bullshit! Stick to the local brew.' --- Riley, stating his beer preferences.

'Oh my God ... It's a graveyard classic!' --- Craig, exclaiming happily over the morbid sight of a large crow perching on a local cemetery's fence.

'Oh, Bob Saget!' --- Riley, who screams this when he becomes frustrated or angry.

'You're like Stephanie from Hell.' --- Craig, about me, Mallory. Apparently he considers me the evil twin of Stephanie from LazyTown.

'Kiss my ass!' --- Riley, whilst stalking away angrily. I had told him to get out of my room in an annoyed manner, and this was his response.

'Oh, great, Faggio McLifeRuiner is home.' --- Cameron, just after Mum walked in the front door, after being at school all day. He's a very kindly boy.

'SpongeBob's an asshole.' --- Me, Mallory, in a deadpan fashion. I was trying to write quietly in the middle of the night, using a flashlight shaped like SpongeBob to see. However, this particular flashlight is the 'novelty' type, which plays bits of music and sound effects from the cartoon when you push a button. I had accidentally bumped it with my arm, and it started randomly sprouting out a cheerful tune at an insanely loud volume. I was highly unamused.

'Vampire bitch. I love you.' --- Riley, personalising a Tourette's Guy quote to be about me. At the time, I was wearing a shirt that had the phrase 'Vampire Bitch' printed on it.

'He can turn his frown upside down, and that's a problem.' --- Me, Mallory. Cameron was angry because he had a gigantic list of chores to do in one day, and he was trying ((Unsuccessfully)) To keep a pissed off look on his face at all times.

'Santan is like Satan, but not. He's pseudo Satan. He's poser Satan. He's the Diet Coke of Satan. Just one calorie; Not quite Satanic enough.' --- Me, Mallory, posting this after a fellow member on a Disturbed message board made a typo.

'Look! That guy Conehead!' --- Cameron, when he was about three years old. The entire family was eating supper at a local Wendy's restaurant, when Cameron noticed a bald man eating his own supper nearby. Apparently Cameron had never seen a bald dude before then ... Aside from in the 1993 comedy, 'Coneheads'.

'Riley, I'm going to read you a scripture from the Bible now --- Let's see which demon gets exorcised from your body.' --- Me, Mallory, after Riley was being exceptionally evil one morning.

'You arrived at the speed of dark.' --- Me, Mallory, using a faux 'goth' accent, and complimenting Cameron on his speedy errand completion.

'The Outer Limits: Please fuck off.' --- Dad, making fun of the TV show's tagline 'Please stand by'.

'Please go to: Hell!' --- Dad, bellowing this loudly when the Wal*Mart voice bot announces which checkout shoppers in line are supposed to approach. ((For example, 'Please go to: Five.'))

'Alright, are you done talking? Because I have a date with Stephen King.' --- Me, Mallory, subtly telling Cameron to shut up, while opening a copy of Insomniac and beginning to read.

'Okay, geez, let me just rejuvenate my will to live here for a moment!' --- Cameron, after I told him to stand the fuck up and stop acting like he had a hard day. It was 11:00 AM and he had just woken up ... Then walked into the living room and promptly reclined in Dad's easy chair.

'Argh! You punched my lung pipe!' --- Craig, after he and Cameron were play fighting. Evidently, Cameron got a little too enthusiastic.

'Calm down ... Calm down ... Don't get a big vagina!' --- Craig, to me. He decided to modify a Tourette's Guy quote to be more anatomically correct.

'Green Day sounds a little different than I remember ...' --- Dad, at the 16 July 2009 Green Day concert, while a lone roadie was testing out Tré Cool's drumset onstage.

'My life force!' --- Craig, in dismay, after I shoved him out of my way when I was trying to go downstairs in a hurry. Apparently I shoved him so hard, I endangered his 'life force'.

'Oh, Billie, I want to have your babies. Let's go, right now.' --- Cameron, in Green Day fangirl mode.

'A blind guy would be able to tell how much syrup was on those pancakes just by looking at them.' --- Me, Mallory, after Craig decided to use an entire gallon of maple syrup on his breakfast.

'It's kinda like he's saying, 'Now get on your knees and beg, bitch.'' --- Craig, about the line in Go Tell It On The Mountain that sings, 'I asked the Lord to help me, and he taught me how to pray!' In my opinion, Craig's statement is pretty Goddamn close to the truth. ((Wordplay intended, hoho.))

'Do you PMS 24/7, or are you just naturally a drippy cunt ...?' --- Me, Mallory, burning some random bitch to a crisp.

'Because your body feels that you shouldn't be happy anymore.' --- Cameron, after I asked him why your stomach starts to hurt after you laugh for an extended period of time.

'Fuckin' Rice Shitties!' --- Craig, angrily, after I asked him what he ate for breakfast. This was his way of telling me that he had eaten a bowl of Rice Krispies ... A cereal he obviously dislikes.

'Oh, Craig, are you dressing your wounds with spices now?' --- Me, Mallory, to Craig during supper. He had gotten a scratch on his arm from playing outside, and I noticed that a bit of chive had settled on that same arm, fairly close to said scratch.

'Fuck off, you anime character!' --- Dad, speaking to me, Mallory, in an exasperated fashion ... After I had let out a rather comical squeal of surprise.

'Get some sharp knives, throw them directly at Cameron's irises.' --- Dad, practising good parenting.

'Falcon Punch!' --- Riley, shouting this whilst attempting to punch dust particles lit up by a ray of sunlight.

'The ultimate assassin of dust particles.' --- Cameron, about Riley in the quote above.

'I'm sorry, they don't speak to organisations with the word 'penis' in the title.' --- Me, Mallory, to a random female telemarketer on the phone. She had asked if the 'head of the household' was available, and if they wanted to take part in a survey. However, when she had stated the name of her company, it sounded suspiciously like she had included the word 'penis'.

'Is that plant attached to that banana?' --- Craig, gesturing to a bunch of bananas sitting on our kitchen table. A house plant was resting next to them, and one of its leaves happened to be touching the banana bunch ... Therefore Craig assumed they were attached. Why, I have no clue.

'I'm Edward Needlefingers!' --- Me, Mallory, shouting this and running about with a sewing needle pierced through each of my fingertips. Always a fun activity.

'Get more similar outfits, you dumb bastards!' --- Dad, shouting at the television set in a sarcastic tone. He was watching a documentary about The Beatles.

'There's too many guys called Skeletor!' --- Craig. Clearly, he needs to brush up on his knowledge of evil overlords.

'Colour me in with the 'Impressed' Crayola crayon!' --- Me, Mallory, attempting to be witty as usual.

'My vagoo!' --- Mum, in an extremely alarmed fashion. Dad had just playfully towel whipped her midsection, and this was her response.

'Ladybugs are called ladybugs for a reason!' --- Craig, randomly shouting this in a stern voice ... Without bothering to specify what, exactly, the reason was.

'Casper the robot, he's a very happy clown!' --- Dad, singing this to the tune of Frosty The Snowman.

'Your eyes sparkle almost as much as my body does in the sun.' --- Cameron, in the midst of inventing Edward Cullenesque pick up lines.

'That's what we call taishitsu.' --- Me, Mallory, after striking a taijutsuesque pose and farting simultaneously.

'The colours of our flag are red and white ... Not pink and grey.' --- Me, Mallory, in a disdainful tone. I was speaking of fellow Canadians, who, on Canada Day, insist on wearing extremely washed out tee shirts featuring our country's flag.

'I never fully understood the concept of explosive diarrhoea until today.' --- Craig, speaking the unspeakable.

'Was that laughing gas?' --- Cameron, after I farted in a rather hearty manner ... And then immediately started cracking up.

'Tool Tip: Earth Day!' --- Riley, addressing the fact that it was Earth Day in a Microsoft Sam inspired manner.

'We need better life admins.' --- Cameron, about our parents. He was of the opinion that they had been abusing their administrative powers, and that we needed some new, more relaxed replacements ASAP.

'Scotland isn't a real country!' --- Craig, proclaiming this in a rather severe tone. I daren't ask him what he meant by such a ludicrous proclamation, so severe was his tone.

'I called her a bitch, right in front of her tits.' --- Riley, in a sullen tone, shortly after, you guessed it, calling Mum a bitch. Mum immediately attempted to chastise him for saying something so rude, but she was laughing much too hard for anyone to take seriously.

'It's like a sausage fest ... Only with other types of meat.' --- Craig, whilst looking into our family's freezer. I'm not sure if he realised what he was saying contained massive undercurrents of innuendo or not. You never can tell with Craig.

'Fuck on!' --- Riley, creating a new profane expression by tweaking an old favourite.

'I'mma make myself pretty for Father Sleep.' --- Me, Mallory, whilst putting lip balm on before bed, to ensure my lips would be well moisturised overnight.

'Note to self: Spaghetti noodles are not cocaine.' --- Craig, in a distressed tone. Somehow, he had accidentally snorted a piece of pasta up his nose whilst eating lunch.

'It's like the Knights Of The Round Table ... Only without the table. Or the knights.' --- Craig, after noticing that me, Cameron, and himself were all sitting in a sort of loosely formed circle.

'Isn't that the same guy from Justin Of The Beiberites?' --- Dad, asking this while pointing at a magazine with Russell Brand on the cover. Moments later, in between fits of laughter, he told me that he had meant to ask if Russell Brand was 'the same guy' who had starred as Captain Sparrow in Pirates Of The Caribbean ... But he apparently became distracted by all the teenie magazines nearby, which had large, glossy depictions of Justin Beiber upon every cover.

'I'm having so much fun.' --- Craig, in a deadpan voice. He was standing motionless in the middle of the kitchen, an empty Popsicle box covering his entire head.

'You spilled your peaches and cream ... Prematurely!' --- Cameron in an alarmed tone, after I accidentally dropped a container of peach flavoured yogurt I was holding.

'I feel like I'm on The Graham Norton Show when I'm in your room.' --- Dad, standing in the middle of my room and warily eyeing the expansive My Little Pony collection on my shelf. He was referencing the fact that on Graham Norton's show, a large collection of naked Barbie dolls can almost always be spotted behind Graham and the guests he's interviewing.

'Sorry, Captain!' --- Dad, apologising in a profusely panicked fashion to Captain Kirk, after accidentally dropping a Star Trek DVD case on the floor.

'You deserve to be a God.' --- Craig, complimenting my dancing skills in a deadly serious tone. I'm still not sure if he was being sarcastic or not.

'I asked myself, I asked, 'If one bowtie is fancy, then how fancy would one hundred bowties be ...?' And I answered myself, 'Pretty Goddamn fancy!'' --- Me, Mallory, completely missing the concept of fine dress.

'This gum makes me moist. Well, it makes my mouth moist, anyway.' --- Cameron, about Excel Mist, a brand of gum that bares the tagline, 'The Wettest Gum In The World'.

'I can't go out, guys. I forgot my mascara and I just look like shit!' --- Craig, in a state of effeminate panic.

'If you don't share any common interests, I don't care how much duct tape you use. It's not gonna last.' --- Cameron, the love guru.

'I'm gonna wear real deodorant tomorrow!' --- Dad, the day before the Green Day concert. He normally uses nothing but an all natural mineral salt product as deodorant, except for special occasions, ((Like sweaty concerts,)) So busting out the Mitchum's a big deal for him.

'Give me Billie or give me death!' --- Cameron, perfecting his Green day fangirl persona.

'I'm a cigarette, I'm a cigarette ... I'm a cigarette, I'm a cigarette!' --- Riley, to the tune of Beyonce's Single Ladies.

'Shut up, Riley! No, wait ... I'm Riley.' --- Riley, momentarily losing his identity.

'I laughed so hard I expelled phlegm from my lungs!' --- Me, Mallory. I had a cold at the time, and due to this, I began coughing rather violently whilst laughing at a funny.

'May I have a coffee with cream, sugar, and magic ...?' --- Riley, who apparently prefers his coffee, er, magical.

'You sexay thang! I believe in marshmallows!' --- Cameron. He was trying to sing the lyrics to Hot Chocolate's I Believe In Miracles, but he got distracted by the fact that an artist named 'Hot Chocolate' wrote it, and apparently started thinking of various toppings one puts into a cup of, you guessed it, hot chocolate.

'And Hell yeah, I'm a monsterfucking Princess!' --- Riley, singing the lyrics to Avril Lavigne's song Girlfriend ... With one small alteration of his own.

'Shut up, Mal, a religious man gave them to me!' --- Cameron, in an indignant tone, after I insulted a pair rather unattractive bowling shoes he owns ... Which he acquired via a passerby of the humanitarian variety when he was outside without shoes on one summer.

'You don't need confidence, you just need the right makeup brushes!' --- Dad, giving me, Mallory, a wonderfully shallow piece of advice.

'I fucking heart dancing.' --- Riley, reluctantly confessing his love for the arts in an extremely angry tone.

'I just can't see spending my hard earned cash so I can tie two fuckin' boards to my feet and slide down a hill.' --- Dad, creatively expressing his distaste for skiing.

'I'm streaming videos ... And tears!' --- Cameron, whilst watching a rather b'awwtastic video online.

'Mallory, Saint Jimmy is not a dinosaur.' --- Dad, setting me straight in a stern tone.

'If you're ever havin' trouble in life, just get a baby.' --- Cameron, offering up some stellar advice for all of the world's troubled individuals.

'I'm not Jagger!' --- Riley, screaming this in an enraged pitch after Craig innocently asked if he had moves like the man.

'I'm gonna do an Internet!' --- Dad, shouting this in an excited tone while waiting for Call Of Duty's online multiplayer mode to load.

'I need to buy an angry mob with pitchforks and torches.' --- Riley's solution for dealing with an everyday sibling spat.

'It's as cold an an ice cream fuck!' --- Riley, expressing his distaste on the occasional low temperature inside our home.

'Mallory, do not punctuate my song with flatuence!' --- Dad, addressing me, Mallory, in an angry tone after I farted during his rendition of We're Off To See The Wizard.

'Are those tuhmahtohes gluten free ...?' --- Dad, snootily questioning the nitrogenous substance levels of vine ripened tomatoes in the middle of the grocery store. An elderly woman shopping nearby was laughing about this for ages afterwards.

'Today, I got mad at stuff! And then I worried.' --- Cameron's interpretation of my day to day life.

'Mal, we gotta have an intervention: You have a ball punching addiction!' --- Cameron, speaking only the truth.

''Sorry, I was captivated by its lunar beauty!' --- Me, Mallory, after I crashed forcefully into Cameron while trying to see the biggest and brightest moon of 2012 more clearly.