Once there was a guy, who was coincidentally named Guy. Guy was the overly proud owner of a Thrust Super Sonic Car --- Thrusts are, quite literally, the fastest cars in the world --- So, quite obviously, he was unbelievably rich.

One night, after driving for a few hours around town, ((Showing off as usual,)) He stopped at a gas station to refill his tank.

After standing there a few minutes, waiting for the tank to fill, ((It took quite awhile, you know, as this tank was a very large one,)) Someone on an rusty Moped sputtered up closely beside his Thrust. The driver was wearing a helmet that covered his entire face.

Guy sort of sputtered himself, shocked that anyone would come that close to his precious car. 'Hey --- Hey, you there! Get away from my car with your bicycle, kid!'

The driver removed his helmet, revealing huge glasses that covered most of his face ... Much like the helmet itself. Upon closer inspection, he was wearing rainbow striped suspenders and pants nearly to his chin. When he spoke, it was revealed he had a voice so nasal, it was laughable. He adjusted his glasses, and squinted at Guy, still sitting on the ridiculous looking Moped.

'Were you talking to me ... Punk?' The driver whined.

Guy shook his head and snickered to himself. What a nerd ... He thought. You gotta admire his stupidity to stand up to someone as cool as me, though. But still ... That's no excuse.

'Yeah, I was talking to you, four eyes. Get your fucking bicycle away from my Thrust.'

The Moped driver put his hands to his face in pretend shock. 'Oh, my stars, what language. I'll have you know that I, Melvin Gerard Nugenheimer, have won every race to anyone I've ever challenged, mister man!' ((Melvin didn't mention that 'anyone he ever challenged' all owned tricycles.))

'What d'you think of my 'bicycle' now? Eh?' Melvin continued, as he put his helmet back on his head --- Clearly thinking he had won the argument.

Guy laughed dryly. Jesus Christ, he thought, This asshole actually thinks he could beat me in a race. I almost feel sorry for him. Almost. But no one challenges me, or my car, without a fight.

'Tell you what, four eyes,' Guy said. 'How about we race and see who's the real winner here, yeah?'

Before Melvin had a chance to respond, Guy turned, tossed the gas hose into the bucket, then jumped lightly into his car, slamming the door behind himself. He then rammed the keys into the ignition, turning them quickly, and floored the engine.

Vrrrroom!

He was out of the gas station, faster than you could even begin to form a thought such as, 'That thing is quite quick, isn't it?'

Guy smirked to himself. I am so fucking smart, he thought, I just got a whole tank full of free gas, and I bet that loser is standing there in the parking lot still, cleaning his bug eye glasses or whatever else nerds do to stall. Guy chuckled out loud. Might as well look the mirror and see the dope's confused face. Guy glanced into the rear view mirror.

What the ...

Guy stared at the mirror in shock. The Moped was actually gaining on him!

'Okay, what the fuck?!' Guy yelled, mostly to himself. Before he could decide what to do next, the Moped shot past his Thrust in the next lane.

Guy could only stare, but this shock only lasted a few minutes. He was only doing ninety, after all. He sped up to one hundred, leaving Melvin in his exhaust fumes.

Or so he thought.

The next thing Guy knew, the nerd had shot past him yet again.

Vrrrroom!

What the fucking hell?! What kind of motor does that rusty piece of shit have?! Guy screamed inside his head. Okay, okay. Calm down, Guy. Your car can go ten times faster than this. Keep your cool, man. Guy took a slow, deep breath, and then promptly sped up to one thirty.

Guy started to chuckle to himself, as there was no sign of Melvin anywhere behind him. Heh. Guess that's as fast as that stupid bicycle can go.

Then suddenly, what happened? You guessed it --- Melvin passed him once more.

This process repeated itself three more times, Guy eventually speeding up to a dangerous two hundred and fifty miles an hour, with Melvin zipping past him a few seconds later each time. Finally, Guy pulled over onto the edge of the highway, hoping Melvin would follow his lead.

Melvin did, a few seconds later, zooming in reverse towards Guy. Jolting to a stop beside the thrust, Melvin appeared out of breath behind his helmet.

Guy glared at Melvin. 'Okay, Melvin Gerard Whatthefuckever, what kind of goddamn motor you got in that bicycle?! You gotta tell me, man ... That --- That was insane.'

Melvin removed his helmet, gasping slightly for air. 'What are you talking about?' he whined in his nasal tones. 'I didn't even have any time to start up my Moped's motor!'

Melvin stopped for a breath, then continued.

'My suspenders got caught on your side mirror!'